They\'ll be here one day

(Note: I’m not evening going to try to pretend like I’m writing this close to the day of)

Yesterday (which, for the record, was June 27th lol) I was watching the HBO documentary Hard Times at Douglass High.  As you might expect, the end deals with graduation and the culmination of all that hard work.  I didn’t have that feeling when I graduated high school.  It was pretty much a forego conclusion that I would graduate.  By graduation, I had already been accepted to Maryland and was making plans to get to that goal.  It was the end of a chapter, not the book.

This was the end of the book.  The light at the end of the tunnel.  (Insert your own cliche about ending here).  All the days my mom begged and pleaded for me to do my homework.  All the times I got out of doing dishes to finish a project (and all those times I used the time to be online or watch T.V.)  All the days i woke up before the sun to finish a paper that was due at noon that day.  All the nights of debauchery to “get my head up” and my worries about school.  All the late nights in the Media Center editing and shooting last minute projects.  All the trips to the den to watch the shows we just finished filming about 10 minutes before.

Everything came down to this.  To walking across that stage.  To have those close to me, who pushed me to get to this point and never stopped believing that I would get there, even when I had doubts.  People I’ve know longer than anyone else on this planet, were there, to see me walk.

And I really did it for them, my mother especially.  The field I want to go in doesn’t really require you to go to school.  Its more about the work you can put together than what you got in your editing class.  There was many a day over the past two years where my mother’s disappointed voice at hearing me drop out was the only thing that kept me going.  I don’t even think I’ll keep the diploma. Ill prolly just hang it up on my parent’s wall.

I’d like to thank all 6 of you who read this blog: Darnay, Joe, Pat Smith, Sharon, Hober and Gemima.  This last entry has been a while coming and I didn’t even get close to doing 45 entries.  Yea, I know, I suck.  Anyway, thanks for sticking with it, always hoping for that last entry and here it is.

A special thanks to Darnay for letting me bastardize a great idea.

“Trust in the Lord, but still tie up your camel” -Beanie Sigel


I was scheduled to work in the morning but to switch out my shift for the afternoon.  The semesterly budget hearings for Student Government Association (SGA) affliated groups was upon us.  The treasurer couldn’t get out of work and Doc was M.I.A. so I had to fill in.  The meeting started at noon and WMJF TV was number 45 on the list.

Two and a half hours later, it was finally the station’s turn to go up.  This was like standing in line for a new rollercoaster ride: the wait is about 60 times longer than actual ride.  Everything was approved in less than 5 minutes.  What a waste.

I got out around 2:30ish, and had to get my Tigerfest tickets.  When I left my TU Id home a few weeks ago, I didn’t think much of it.  Of course, I would need the ID to get my $3 Tigerfest ticket.  Since I didn’t have it, I had to pay $9 bones for each ticket and offered to pay for Milous ticket, since I had him come down hoping you could get more than one, $3 ticket.  And did I mention the line was like 40 people deep?

I got to around 3:30ish (I was suppose to be there at 3pm).  Thankfully, Jen is always cool about these things, plus I told her that I might run a little late.  Before she left, I took her up on her offer to buy me some new sunglasses.  She had thrown away a pair that I left at the kiosk.  I really didn’t care that much about it, but she seemed to feel bad about it.  Plus I needed/wanted some sunglasses, with Summer coming, it would be a bitch to drive around with no glasses on.  Took me like half an hour, but I found a decent pair.

About an hour or so into working, I completely remembered what was coming on T.V. tonight: FRAKKIN’ BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.  SHIT.  Since the mall closed at 10 PM on Fridays, I was screwed… Well not really.  I don’t really care about the job, so I decided I would close up early.

Throughout the day, I kept getting calls to hang out after Battlestar.  I think my energy was drained from the emotional rollercoaster that was yesterday.  But I’m never one to miss a party, and with Tigerfest tomorrow, I know there’s gonna be mad parties.

Battlestar doesn’t touch me like it use to.  Its still great but I don’t know what it is, something is off for me.  I think ever since the big reveal at the end of the third season, it hasn’t been the same.  Had I not seen any advertising for this season, I would have been a bigger impact, but I could see the reveal coming.  And know, shit just isn’t the same.  I have to say though, with this episode, I think its starting to turn.

My appetite to not be left out, lead me to a party tonight.  We went to this girl I met through a friends party.  Well, it was more of a get together of close friends, so it was a little weird.  We (Dombroskie, Joe and Ryan) only stayed like 10 minutes.  We headed to Sourcis. 

Again, I didn’t feel like myself.  I shouldn’t have forced the outing. 

“You gotta know when to hold them…” Kenny Rogers

To be honest, if I hadn’t run into Casey (the group member me and Ken shared, Pause), I would not have done the viewings and outline for the project. There was a 66% chance that we weren’t going to present today. Of course, I caught the other 33%. I was going to get the Stokos, finish the annotated bibliography in the Media Center and get some sleep before the 9:30 class.

Casey’s news changed everything.

I still got the Stokos (they are open from like 4pm to 2am, weird hours) and shit was correct.  I left my bookbag in the Media Center and went straight home.  I got home, popped in the 1988 version of Hairspray and had 5 of my 8 wings and some fries.  About 30 minutes in I started to nod off, but fought that off.  After that, I was able to watch both movies back to back no problem.

(Note: John Waters version was a lot more genuine and innocent.  The remake was full of fat jokes and sexual innuendo that the original didn’t present so overtly.)

After the films, I took a shower (I’m man enough to admit that it had been a few days since my last shower, i didn’t have much to do, work doesn’t count, I hate that job.  In the words of Joe Budden, “Some days I don’t shower, I don’t to be clean”)

Feeling refreshed and ready to work, I walked up to the Media Center a little after 4 o’clock in the morning.  I couldn’t drive because I don’t have a parking pass.  I arrived at the school at before 4:30am.  I took me an hour to work out the outline for my part of the presentation, the cultural aspects in both films.  I started the critique of the group and myself, but I need to shut my eyes for a little bit.

I got about 3 hours of sleep on the WMJF couch before waking up at about 8:30am.  My brain was still fried, I couldn’t come up with a good group critique.  I finished what I could, added a little bit to the annotated bibliography and headed to class.

(Note: Im only at 9:30am, and I’ve already done more than I’ve done most of the semester)

Of course, we were the first of the two groups.  Me and Casey, were there first.  Since I had only been to one group meeting and missed class on Tuesday, I was a little out of the loop.  Casey also did some of the cultural/social/political aspects of the film.  Luckily we both had enough that when we overlapped, we had other points we could make.  Bo came in next and let us know that Cristin was late.  Bo did the story differences and similarities between both films.  Cristin finally arrived with visual aspects of the presentation (the Powerpoint and clips from Youtube).  She would cover the aesthetics differences and similarities between both films.

Since I had not been on class on Tuesday, there were no clips for me.  That didn’t bother me, after I knew what I was going to be talking about, I was straight.  I kind of rushed through my part and did say what the point to my observations were, but hey, I got it done.

After the presentation, I was ready to turn in my strong outline under my weak group analysis.  This is when the professor had an epiphany, that we should turn in the critique after the class after our presentation, so we could reflect on how it went (Lucky break #2).  So I was relieved, but I still had to turn in my annotated bibliography.

After class, I went back to the WMJF Office, and cranked out the annotated bibliography.  I still had to get some sources, which I found after some work.  So I got my six sources, finished it up and waited outside the classroom door for the 11 o’clock class to be over.  Once it was over, I handed in my annotated bibliography, (9 days late and 45 points taken off) and heard the sweetest words I’ve heard in a while:

“I’m only going to take one day late off” -Professor Holliday (Lucky Break #3)

WHAT!?!?! HE HAD TO BE KIDDING ME, but he wasn’t.  Damn I’m a lucky dude.  I hope he knows I’m graduating and doesn’t want to come between me and my receipt for college.

“Suddenly it seems like my shoulder blades have just shift/its like the greatest gift you can get/the weight has been lifted” -Eminem

That says it all, I was worried that my bullshitting would keep me from graduating, but after that news, it shouldn’t be a problem.

The rest of the day was a piece of cake with some more high notes.  My producing classes, was business as usual.  We had a guest speaker, one of about 6 Director’s Guild of America recognized director’s in about 3 states.  He was a real downer but just gave us some realistic views of the world we want to be a part of.  After class dismissed early, the professor showed us a VHS copy of a film made by one of her associates.  The film was about a gay man that wanted some companionship.  Still, the thing that most surprised me was that he had made a professional quality short, and was still giving out VHS copies of it. IN 2008!!  I know he had to have access to a DVD burner.

(Note: Good short, a little long, wish he would have ended at a point that would have given a more ambiguous ending.  Everything after that point felt unnecessary.)

I felt out after that.  I slept until about 9 o’clock.  The Office was new and it was a classic episode.  (Ryan: Guys, I think my friend Tory might have a drug problem.  What do i do?

Micheal:  Here’s what you do.  You tell him that your his friend, your gonna help him and everything is going to be alright.  (brief pause) And then you put a wire on him, find out who’s selling. Drugs.  And then you take that guy and flip him, turn him into a snitch.  Then you follow him to the people who are really really bad.  Been watching The Wire recently, dont understand a word of it.)


Then it was 30 Rock, which is a great show in its own right.  But the big daddy was coming up at 10:02pm.  Lost.




That episode was amazing, classic.  I’ve always head that season 2 of Lost was the high point of the series.  But season 4 is catching up and if they can somehow the this episode (which is an arduous task) then it will get there no doubt.

Because of the strike, they had to pack a lot of info into this episode, which meant a lot of mystery too.  Ben Linus is the best/most complex villain since Stringer Bell.  This episode made him look like a bad ass, and answered/raised so many of the questions we’ve had all season and some we’ve had since the beginning of the series.

I was on a high after all this.  The evening was anti-climatic with an outing Downtown with Josh but the day was great on so many levels.

“Your the luckiest man alive” -Gemima Doris Philippe

(Note: Two things I failed to mention in previous post: 1) On Saturday, the ATM stole $40 from me and I called Chevy Chase Bank to get it straightened out. 2) My group project I had mentioned, had already begun. I was in a group who was doing Hairspray)

I started the day with the empty mantra that started everyday since about Sunday, probably longer, but it felt different today. It felt like it had gained some weight. I had 5 hours at work to work and then the rest of the day free.

The weight it had gained was mostly bullshit. At work I didn’t do shit. I thought about it but just went to and watched a bunch of Arrested Development. On the plus side, I used the time at work to work out the food situation for the Gala. The final head count came out to 44 people and the total for the food came out to just below $580.

As soon as I got home, I called the caterer and put in the order. I didn’t pay for the order right away as I had to get the money from the station. Aside from calling the Poulet people for catering, I called my partners for the project all day.  I had 3 partners, one I couldn’t remember his name or if he had given me the number, one went straight to his voicemail and one wasn’t answering.  Thankfully, I had gotten the videos both versions of Hairspray in the mail today. After I got some rest, and worked on the bibliography, I would watch the movies and do that work.

Well, after the rest, I did move the books over next to the computer.  But between porn and Attack of the Show, I wasn’t getting anything done.  I finally had the brilliant (and obvious) idea of going to the Media Center to do the project.  For the 3 years, I’ve been at Towson, I’ve learned that no work gets done in my room.  But I’m hard headed and always try.

Around 9 o’clock, I went up to the Media Center and actually got some (very little) work done.  I got about 2 of the sources (I needed a total of six) and surfed the Internet for a while.  I was straving as Midnight go closer, and Stokos was in order.  Earlier in the night, I called Ken to get my key to the building back and he had me bring him his coat.


When I dropped off his coat, he asked me to help with a project.  BY A MIRACLE OF THE LORD, one of my partners for the Hairspray project was his partner for that project.  He let me know that tomorrow we would be presenting our project.


To be continued..

“Film is all about endings” -Some Textbook on Writing

A funny thing happens when you don’t turn in work on time: you start calculating how much you could possibly get on it.

I woke up around 11 or 12, my class was at 9:30am (This is specifically why I wanted the 11 o’clock class, I knew this waking up for a 9:30 class was going to be a problem). I gave myself the whole song and dance about doing the work. After a while, I just said fuck it and plotted on the couch.

While on the couch, I started calculating how late the assignment would be. It would be 8 days late if I turn it in tomorrow (that means 40 points off). So I could prolly get 50 out of the 100 points.

(Note: The total number of points in the class is 500 points. There are 6 assignments, the first 2 were 50 points, the last 4 are 100 points each, hence 500 points.  This means I need to get minimum 350 point to get my C and get one step closer to graduation.  So far I have somewhere around 90 points from the first two assignments and I never turned in the 3rd assignment.  The 4th assignment is an annotated bibliography, the 5th is a group project and then there is a final paper)

So with those 50 points, plus the 90 i would be about to 140.  Which means I would need 210 points to get where I need to be.  That means I might have to turn in that old assignment. FUCK.

Well, after I calmed down from that revelation, I continued to do nothing.  I got closer and closer to watching Wallace get popped, Barksdale in bracelets, and McNulty riding the boat; for those of you not aware, these are all events in the first season of The Wire.

I can’t remember what else I watched, but in the evening, Josh, Sharon, Phil, Joe and I headed to Rec Room.  I had to relieve all this stress from a hard day (I say that shit sarcastically, but thinking about not graduating puts you in a foul mood).

At one point, Sharon asked me about Gemima, I started to tear up (the alcohol had brought a lot of those emotions up).  I don’t know how I did it, but I was able to hold back the tears.  Every time I would think about it or try to answer, my throat would close up a little bit and the emotions would come back up.  Shit blindsided me.  I let it wash over me then let it pass (“I was only gonna let the fear in for 5 seconds” Jack (Lost)) and eventually, I was back to my normal goofy self.

“Thats none of your business” -Phil Kessell

“Ok, today’s the day, Imma do it today, Imma go to class, come back, and get working in this annotated bibliography, turn it in on time, and be good”

That was the “let a fire under my ass” speech I gave myself today.  Didn’t go so well.

I did go to class, which was a waste of time.  After a certain point in Film 3, we don’t meet as a class anymore.  Each group meets with Plow to go over the progress they are making.  We haven’t done shit since we wrapped.  The editor has done some capturing and getting the files together but she has other work for her classes and has not been working on the film.  What we showed Plow was some raw footage that he hadn’t seen yet.

After that, I hung out in the station office for a while and went home.

Too work on the project? Of course not.  I pretty much spent the day watching a combination of The Wire and internet pornography.  But I was thinking about the project all day.  About how after every step of the way i was gonna get started on it.  But it never happened.  When I was done watching something, I would get hungry and would eat.  Then I would get the itis and become lazy and not do shit.  Eventually I just feel asleep and went to bed.

“That’s pretty much everyday” – Ralph (Groundhog Day)

Today was one of those days that I was determined to finally get this annotated bibliography done, which means it didn’t get done. Around noon, I got a hankering (thats right, hankering) to see some Wire. Of course, being The Wire, you just can’t watch some random show in the middle, you gotta start from the beginning. So after not doing any work. I went over to Greg’s place to watch some.

For those of you that don’t know, The Wire is the best television show in the history of the medium. “But Fernando, what about Law and Order, Homicide, The Sopranos, Sex and the City, etc…?” Your wrong, plain and simple. The Wire takes one case a season, or one theme a season, and explores it for the full run. Nothing gets resolved until the very end of the season. The commitment to storytelling is what make it so great, what gives the last 3 or 4 episodes more weight because everything that had preceded it had been building to that point, and when they get there, the execute is flawless.

Me and Greg cracked jokes, the first couple of episodes echoed the finally of the series so strongly, we were laughing at all the little things, 6 years have passed in Baltimore and nothing has changed.

This Wire mini-marathon was made possible by the cancellation of my date. It was really a blessing in disguise; after the airport fiasco, I’m low on gas. Also, I have to do all this work, I don’t know when I’m going to get to see her; all my weekends from now on are going to be jam packed. O well.

After The Wire, I was tired and came home.

In all my tiredness though, my room was being to feel claustrophobic.  My mother always ask me “Es quel susio no te molesta?”, which means “Does this dirt/filthiness not bother you?”  Usually when she ask, the answer is no, but after awhile (usually long whiles, like months) it does start to bother me.  I start to feel tight in the chest, look around and have to clean.  The tiredness didn’t go away, but I had to do something about it.  I put my clean/laundered close away (they were still in the hampers), put the dirty close in the hamper (which were on my bed, on the floor and in the closet, and put my shoes away.  I finally got some of the props and furniture from my Film 3 shoot (which wrapped back at the end of March) in some semi-appropriate places.  I even throw away some old papers, and cleared off my desk (which only happens like when I’m really serious about cleaning.

When it was all said and done, it took me about 2 hours (I went to sleep around 1), and I could see my floor for the first time in months.  I could see my desk for the first time in over a year probably.  Imma dirty dude, but i get clean sometimes.

“I thought you moved out” Joe (after the first time I cleaned my room)